Updates on My Blogger Account

I've posted another entry on Jenny's Lair, my Blogger account. Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to finish copying my previous Xanga posts over the that blog, and this one will become pretty inactive. Why? Several reasons.

I joined Xanga because when I first encountered Nicky, that's where most of the folks who disliked Nicky were.  I never would have found these fine people if Nicky hadn't instantlly decided that I was part of their "conspiracy" against him and told me who they were. Thanks, Nicky!

However, I've always found the Xanga blog format limiting -- specifically, I haven't found a way to include links to previous posts on the sidebar. You can only see the five most recent posts. Blogger has more flexibility, and the templates have a way to include both recent posts and archived posts. Yay!

I hope to see you all over on Blogger.

The Seeds of Inspiration

In my latest parody, I've used some characters with names similar to those in Nicky's stories. For those who haven't slogged through Nicky's coma-inducing prose:

The Dog Seeker - My character is Seth Stiles. Nicky wrote about a Seth Miles in "Passenger".

Ninos - My characters are Nicholas Kane and Otis Young, gay EMT's living in Yuma, Arizone. This is the only story where my characters have exactly the same name as two of Nicky's: Nicholas Kane from "Spectral Exile" and Otis Young from "Halloween on Camera". Nicky's characters, however, are white, heterosexual writers -- so clearly they are different characters from mine.

The Trouble with Georgie - My character is Georgina Davis. Nicky wrote about a Georgina Davidson in "Storms of Armageddon".

News of Seared - My character is Alan Lisaak. Nicky wrote about an Allan Isaac in "Leviathan's Ghost".

An Iron Son - My character is Katrina Tyler. Nicky wrote about a Catrina Taylor in "House of Spiders".

Home to a Chicken - My character is Dick Dorland. Nicky wrote about a Richard Borland in "Lake Fossil".

Death by Piratical Malfunction - My character is Albert Coe. Nicky wrote about an Albert Joseph Poe in "The Fandom Writer".

XT-211 - My character is Howard Prill. Nicky wrote about a Herald Prell in "Flying Cigars".

Wish I Weren't in Dixie - My character is Helen Cott. Nicky wrote about a Hellen Ott in "The Ferryman's Wheelchair".

Cyber:Terror:Dwarf - My character is Pickie Picoine. Nicky wrote about...oh wait...

The Hell Outside - My characters are Tim and Lauren Sterling and Bert Drexler. Nicky wrote about Tim and Laura Serling and Albert Drexler in "The Statue".

Killer Air - My character is Lenny Norwood. Nicky wrote about a Kenneth Norwood in "Norwood's Discovery".

The Last Act of Albert Deeds - My character is Albert Deeds. Nicky wrote a Thomas Joseph Deeds in "Fuckbeater."

Practically Rancid - My character is Lane Nelson. Nicky wrote about a Layne Nielson in "Bleed the Freak".

-----------------------------------

I also owe a credit to someone -- I don't remember who -- on the Something Awful forums for the image of Nicky standing on a sidewalk yelling at a lawn sprinkler. Thank you.

For the search engines: Nickolaus A. Pacione. Cross-posted to Horrorgal on Blogger.

Tabloid Purposes -- My Version

I’ve been sick with bronchitis the last few days and stuck in bed, bored silly. I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo next month, so to get into the "writing a lot every day" habit, I decided to play around with Nicky's latest publication, TP V.

As we all know, a title cannot be copyrighted nor can the names of characters. I've also checked, and "Tabloid Purposes" is not trademarked (if Nicky can't afford to pay his authors, he certainly can't afford to pay the U.S. Trademark and Patent offce). So I am free to use the title "Tabloid Purposes" if I wish. And I did. Check it out here:

http://www.lulu.com/content/4463480

If you look at the TP V table of contents (here: http://www.lulu.com/content/4262719), you might notice some similarity to mine. The titles of my (fictional) anecdotes are plays on the titles of the stories in his anthology.

Now, be advised, I wrote this book very quickly and while dosed up on cough syrup with codiene. It's a bit uneven, and some anecdotes are only so-so, written because I needed something to include for that "story". For sheer lulz, though, I think that "Cyber:Terror:Dwarf", "XT-211" and "Death by Piratical Malfunction" are the best.

I may revisit this after NaNoWriMo, when my brain will desperately need to focus on something besides a romantic suspense novel.

For the search engines: Nickolaus A. Pacione

Horrorgal Goes Into the File Recovery Business

Nicky's latest post on Blogger says in part, "Jaen you're way out of line with this one, and since you pissed on a dead authors grave with your act that is personal. I didn't even have a chance to get the files to fix the mistake of publishing you."

Since I am a kind and generous person, I e-mailed Nicky today with an offer to help him out:

Nicky responded within about 90 minutes:

"Fuck you bitch.   Just give me the master copy of Tabloid Purposes II."

and

"You're stealing my money for a project I worked hard to create.  You're a bitch."

(bonus points to Nicky for using the correct form of "you're") and

"You're willing to steal my book and my money -- I would rather off you."

That last is rather close to a death threat, but...Nicky isn't really capable of hurting me. I -emailed him back:

An Interview with Georgina Davidson

Disclaimer: Todd Hollins and Georgina Davidson are used under the fair use provisions of U.S. copyright law. For the search engines, Nicky is Nickolaus Pacione. Todd's goat and scotch are running jokes that started here and continued here.

Todd: Hello, folks. Todd Hollins here. Today we’re talking to Georgina Davis, a lovely lady—

Georgina: Thank you.

Todd: —as well as a Pacione survivor like myself and one of the founding members of Nickolaus A. Pacione Badly Written Characters Anonymous – or NAPBWCA. I’m glad you could make time for us, Georgina.

Georgina: Please call me Georgie. And we call our group Nappy, for short.

Todd: Georgie it is. I know I’m bringing up a painful subject, but you appeared in a Pacione story called “The Storms of Armageddon.”

Georgie: Yes, unfortunately, I did.

Todd: And in this “story”, you had supposedly been put into a cryogenic sleep for ten years to prevent your death by some mysterious “severe blood sickness”? Or was it fourteen years? I got a little confused.

Georgie: You and me both. I’m not still not clear on how long it was supposed to be. But the truth is that I wasn’t frozen at all. I had a nervous breakdown and checked myself into a mental hospital. And I only stayed for six months, not for years.

Todd: What caused your breakdown, if you don’t mind me asking?

Georgie: No, I don’t mind. I’ve come to terms with it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have let me out.

Todd: So—?

Georgie: I was a victim of incest.

Todd: Jeez! Was it a close relative?

Georgie: It was my father.

Todd: So you were…

Georgie: Yes, I know. I was a fatherfucker.

Todd (shakes his head): I’m sorry. Here. Have a scotch.

Georgie: Thank you. Cheers.

Todd: So in typical Nicky fashion, he creates an alternate story for you. I mean, we know how much he would hate mention fucking one’s father.

Georgie: Yes, he created a outrageously bad story that contains outrageously bad science. I pleaded with him to do some real research, but all he did was watch a bunch of those cheesy creature and disaster flicks on the SciFi channel for two weekends in a row.

Todd: Oh come on. “Aztec Rex” didn’t completely suck. It wasn’t as bad as “Snakehead Terror.”

Georgie: Hah. That’s your opinion. Please don’t give Nicky any ideas. Oh, and another thing. I have never in my life clung a palm tree and shrieked and waited to be rescued. I’m a take charge kind of person.

Todd: But it was category six *snort* hurricane. I can see why you might have needed some help.

Georgie: Hurricane, schmurricane. The boy has obviously never been to Florida.

Todd: I’m not sure he’s ever been out of his grandma’s basement.

Georgie: It was just a thunderstorm. A little bit of lightning and thunder, some gusty winds, and Nicky starts imaging the Four Horseman bearing down on us all. Typical drama queen. Wow, this is good scotch. Can I have some more?

Todd: No prob. What about the Hummer? Was it really amphibious or hovering just above the storm surge?

Georgie: Hardly. It was just a typical Hummer, although it was that bright road-paint yellow color, which doesn’t belong on cars in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful to those TV folks for helping me out, but really all they did was pick me up and bring me to a shelter.

Todd: I suppose your husband was relieved to hear you were OK. Back when I was married, the thought of anything happening to Joanna was terrifying.

Georgie: I was divorced by then. My relationship didn’t survive the revelation of the, uh—

Todd: Fatherfucking?

Georgie: Yeah. So what happened to your marriage?

Todd: Joanna and I appeared in a Pacione story. She met a woman, discovered she was a lesbian,  fell in love, and ran off.

Georgie: That sucks.

Todd; Stupid bitch.

Georgie: Wow. You must really hate your ex-wife.

Todd: I was referring to Pacione.

Georgie: Oh. Have some more scotch.

Todd: And a goat.

Georgie: What?

Todd: Never mind. That’s a wrap for tonight. Thank you, Georgie. I’m hoping that I can get Nicholas Kane to visit with me sometime soon. I’d really like to hear the true story of what happened at that Chicago nightclub.

Georgie: Oh?

Todd: Rumor has it that Nick missed the whole show because he was off in a back room with those EMT’s…if you catch my drift.

Georgie: Juicy!